Some old Elephant Jokes for your entertainment!

Q. Why did the Elephant where red sneakers?
A. So he could hide in the Apple tree!

Q. Why did the Elephant wear three white sneakers and one yellow sneaker?
A. Forgot to lift his leg.

Q. Why did the Elephant wear four differnt colored sneakers?
A. To hide in the Gumball Machine.

Q. How Can you tell when an Elephant has been in the ice box?
A. Foot prints in the butter.

Q. How do you stop a charging Elephant?
A. Take away his credit card.

Q. Why can't you get an Elephant to screw in a lightbulb.
A. Because they won't fit in a lightbulb.

Q. What is the difference between a dozen eggs and an Elephant?
A. If you don't know, I'm not going to send you to the store for a dozen eggs.

Q. What the difference between a herd of Elephants and a bunch of grapes?
A. Grapes are purple, Elephants are gray.

Q. What did Tarzan say when the Elephants charged?
A. Watch out, here come the Elephants

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses
A: Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A: "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"

Q: What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colour blind)

Q. How do you get down from an Elephant?
A. You Don't! You get down from a Goose

Q. How do Elephants get out of trees?
A. They float down on the leaves between 4 pm and 6pm.

Q. What's black and stuck between the toes of charging Elephants
A. Slow Pygmies.

Q. What do you call an Elephant that rides a bus?
A. A passenger.

Q. How does an elephant get down from a tree?
A. He doesn't! Even elephants know you get down from a goose!

Q. Why don't elephants like playing cards in the jungle?
A. Because of all the cheetahs!

Q. What's the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?
A. About 3,000 miles

Q. Why do elephants wear sandals?
A. So that they don't sink in the sand.

Q. Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A. They are lookng for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

Q. What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A. Nothing, peanuts can't talk

Q. Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A. He slipped

Q. Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A. He was glued to the first one.

Q. Why did the third elephant fall from of the tree?
A. He thought it was a game.

Q. Why did the fourth Elephant fall from the tree?
A. Because when his mother asked if all the other elephants were falling out would you, he said Yes!

Q. How did the mouse become as big as an elephant?
A. Bill Gates gave it a new operating system!

Q. What's gray on the inside and red and white on the outside?
A. Campbell's cream of Elephant soup.

Q. Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmallow?
A. So he wouldn't fall into the hot chocolate.

Q. What do you know when you see three Elephants walking down the
street wearing pink sweatshirts?
A. They're all on the same team.

Q. What is gray and has four legs and a trunk?
A. A mouse going on vacation.

Q. What do you call an Elephant with a machine gun?
A. Sir.

Q. What do you call an Elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
A. Anything you want, it can't hear you.

Q. Why do Elephants drink so much?
A. To try to forget.

Q. What's gray, yellow, gray, yellow, gray, yellow, gray, yellow?
A. An Elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!

Q. What's gray, yellow, gray, yellow,THUMP, grey, black, blue, grey, black, blue
A. An Elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth that hit a rock.

Q. How do you get an Elephant into a VW?
A. Open the car door, put the Elephant inside, close the door.

Q. How can you tell if an Elephant is in the refrigerator?
A. The door won't shut.

Q. Why do ducks have flat feet?
A. So they can stamp out forest fires.

Q. Why do Elephants have such large, tough feet?
A. So they can stamp out flaming ducks

Q. What did Jane say when she saw the charging Elephants?
A. Look at the Grapes! Jane is color blind?

Q. Why are pygmies so short?
A. They listened to Jane, and looked at the grapes.

Q. What do you get when you cross Elephants with Peanutbutter?
A. 1: Elephants sticking to the roof of your mouth.
2: Elephants that spread easily.


Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
A: To hide in cherry trees.

Q: How did Tarzan die?
A: Picking cherries.

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Big holes all over Australia.

Q: What kind of elephants live at the North Pole?
A: Cold ones.

Q: What is convenient and weighs 20,000 pounds?
A: An elephant six-pack.

Q: How do elephants talk to each other?
A: By 'elephone.

Q: Why do elephants have cracks between their toes?
A: For carrying their library cards.

Q: What is grey, has large wings, a long nose, and gives money to elephants?
A: The Tusk Fairy.

Q: Where do elephants with skincare problems go?
A: Pachydermatologists.

Q. Why do Elephants paint their toenails red?
A. So they can hide in a strawberry patch.

Q. What do you get when you cross and elelphant with a rhinocerous?
A. Eliphino (Hell-if-I-Know)

Q. What's brown, gooey, smells like peanuts, but isn't peanut butter
A. Elephant Puke

Q. What's the difference between an Elephant and a piece of paper?
A. You can't make a paper airplane out of an Elephant.

Q. How do you know if there's an Elephant in the ice cream shop?
A. His bike is outside.

Q. How do you know if there are two Elephants in the ice cream shop?
A. There's a dent in the cross-bar.

Q. How do you know if there are three Elephants in the ice cream shop?
A. Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.

Q. How do you make an Elephant float?
A. Take two scoops of ice cream, some soda, and one Elephant.

Q. Why are Elephants so wrinkled
A. Have you ever tried to iron one?

Q. What time is it when an Elephant sits on your fence?
A. Time to get a new fence.

Q. What time is it when an Elephant sit on your sofa?
A. Time to get a new sofa.

Q. What time is it when an Elephant sits on your toilet?
A. Time to runaway.

Q. Why do Elephants have trunks
A. 1: Because they'd look silly if they had suit cases.
2: They don't have pockets.

Q. Where do find Elephants?
A. It depends on where you left them.

Q. Waht do you say when an Elephant sneezes?
A. Geshundheit.

Q. Why do Elephants hide in strawberry patches?
A. So they can jump out and stomp on people.

Q. How do you get four Elephants into a Volkswagen?
A. Two in the front, two in the back.

Q. How can you tell when an Elephant's been in your refrigerator?
A. Footprints in the Jell-O.

Q. Why do Elephants have grey skin?
A. To keep their insides together.

Q. What goes, Clomp, clomp, clomp, squish, clomp, clomp, clomp, squish?"
A. An Elephant with a wet sneaker.

Q. Why did the Elephant lie in the middle of the road?
A. To trip the ants.

Q. What would happen if an Elephant sat in front of you at the movies?
A. You would miss most of the show.

Q. Why did the Elephant wear sunglasses?
A. With all the silly Elephant jokes going around, he didn't want to be recognized.

Q. What is the biggest ant?
A. An eleph-ant.

Q. What is as big as an Elephant, but doesn't weigh anything?
A. An Elephant's shadow.

Q. How do you fit 5 Elephants in a Volkswagen?
A. Two in the front, two in the back, and one in the glove compartment.

Q. Why did they throw the Elephants out of the swimming pool?
A. They couldn't hold their trunks up.

Q. Why wasn't the Elephant allowed on the airplane?
A. Because his trunk wouldn't fit under the seat.

Q. Why were the Elephants the last animals off the ark?
A. Because they had to pack their trunks.

Q. Why do Elephants paint their toenails green?
A. So they can hide in the pea patch.

Q. What would you get if you crossed two fish with two Elephants?
A. A pair of swimming trunks.

Q. Why do Elephants have crinkly feet?
A. To give the ants a chance.

Q. Why did the Elephant cross the road?
A. It was the Chicken's day off.

Q. Why do Elephants have wrinkled knees?
A. From playing marbles.

Q. What should you do to a blue Elephant?
A. Cheer it up.

Q. What should you do to a red Elephant?
A. Quit telling it dirty jokes.

Q. What should you do to a yellow Elephant?
A. Teach it to be brave.

Q. What should you do to a white Elephant?
A. Hold it's nose until it turns blue,then follow the direction for a blue Elephant.

Q. What should you do to a green Elephant?
A. 1: Wait until it gets ripe.
2: Bury it, you we're only suppose to hold it's nose until it turned blue.

Q. How can you tell if an Elephant's been sleeping in your bed?
A. Peanut shells under the pillow.

Q. How do you catch an Elephant?
A. Wait at a street corner and when you see the Elephant raise your hand a yell "Yo Elephant"

Q. How did the cheerleader die?
A. She tried to catch an Elephant doing a split.

Q. How does an Elephant get out of a phone booth?
A. Same way she got in.

Q. Why don't Elephants ride bicycles?
A. They don't have thumbs to ring the bell.

Q. What weighs 5,000 lbs and wears glass slippers?
A. CinderElephant!

Q. What has 6 legs, 3 ears, 4 tusks, and 2 trunks?
A. An Elephant with spare parts.

Q. What is large and gray and goes around and around in circles?
A. An Elephant stuck in a revolving door.

Q. What do Elephants have that no other animals have?
A. Baby Elephants.

Q. Why do Elephants stomp on people?
A. They like the squishy feeling between their toes.

Q. What do Elephants do for laughs?
A. They tell people jokes.

Q. What game do Elephants like to play most?
A. Squash!

Q. What did the cat say to the Elephant?
A. Meow!

Q. Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A. So they can hide upside-down in the custard.

Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A: No? Well, it must work.

Q. Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled?
A. If they were small, round and white they'd be asparins.

Q. Why do elephants paint themselves green?
A. So they can sneak across snooker tables without being seen.

Q. How do you get an elephant into a matchbox?
A. Take out all the matches first.

Q. What's the similarity between an elephant and a blue plum?
A. They are both grey. Well, except the plum.

Q. What did Tarzan say, when he saw the elephants coming down the hill?
A. "Look, the elephants are coming down the hill."

Q. And finally: How do you catch an elephant?

A. You will need a jam-jar with a firm lid, a telescope, a black-board and a piece of chalk.
And a jungle with elephants, of course.
Go to the jungle. Write 2+2=5 on the blackboard. All the elephants will come running
and be paralyzed with laughter. While they are busy laughing, turn the
telescope the wrong way around and use it to look at the elephants. As they
are now very small, you can easily pick them up and put them in the glass and close the lid.

Q: What game do four elephants in a mini play?
A: Squash

Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
A. Open door, Insert elephant, Close door.

Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
A. Open door, Remove elephant, Insert giraffe, Close door.

Q: How do you know there are two elephants in your fridge?
A: The door won't close.

Q: How do you get an elephant out of the water?
A: Wet.

Q: How do you get two elephants out of the water?
A: One by one.

Q: How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch".

Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.

Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!

Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.

Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought it was a game.

Q: And why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.

Q: How many legs does an elephant have?
A: Four, two in the front, two in the back.

Q: What was the elephant doing on the motorway?
A: About 5 mph

Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A: Free Parking.

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator.

Q: Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
A: To sneak across a pool table without being seen.

Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs.

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?
A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons of bananas,.....

Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?
A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.

Q: What if you don't want to wait fifty years?
A: Parachute him from an airplane.

Q: Why isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?
A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.

Q: Why are elephants feet shaped that way?
A: To fit on lily pads.

Q: Why isn't it safe to go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon?
A: That's when the elephants are walking on the lily pads.

Q: Why are frogs so short?
A: They go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon.

Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in bed?
A: He has a big 'E' on his pajamas jacket pocket.

Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.

Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road?
A: Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!! (to be sung).

Q: What did he say when he saw a live ant on the road?
A: He stamped it to death and then said "Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!!".

Q: What do you give a seasick elephant?
A: Lots of room.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with an ant?
A: A dead ant.

Q: How many elephants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, but you need a real big bulb.

Q: What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car?
A: Getting TWO elephants into the back seat of your car!

Q: What's grey and puts out forest fires?
A: Smokey the Elephant.

Q: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?
A: You miss most of the picture!

Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing, peanuts can't talk.

Q: How do you know when an Elephant has been in the baby carriage?
A: By the footprints on the baby's forehead!

Q: What is beautiful, gray and wears glass slippers?
A: Cinderelephant.